Random

Remember when the phone ringing was the most exciting thing ever?? Remember when having an answering machine meant you never had to miss a call?? Now, I rarely answer the phone because it's nearly always a telemarketer and I can let that message alert blink for practically ever. Seriously, if you want to get my attention: email me.

I have various food obsessions from time to time. Sometimes it's a spice, sometimes it's actual food. I had a love affair with cumin all of last year. This year, my passion is ruby grapefruits. I will peel them and eat them segment by segment, no sugar, just the grapefruit-y goodness. I tried to explain the attraction to my co-worker and the best I could come up with was that it was like a surprise explosion in my mouth of sweet and sour, but that sounded kind of dirty so I left it alone.

I haven't had a period in four months. My doctor says I am in official menopause, but it doesn't really count until I haven't had a period for 12 months. I was surprised to find out that I missed the old Aunt Flo. At first. Now, I am getting used to the idea. I think I want to make a longer post about going through menopause, but I promise to warn the men in advance...

The boat is in the water, but the weather has been sucky of late. High winds and cold make for less than pleasant weekends. But we persevere.

I am thinking of what I should be called when I officially become a grandparent. (November 28. Wheeee!!) My grandmothers were Grandma and Mimi. For some odd reason that I can't quite put my finger on, I find myself leaning towards Granny Allison, but Grant thinks that sounds like I am a crone. I dunno. What do you think?

I have to go cook dinner, which reminds me: Grant has lost over 25 lbs. I have lost 7. Apparently my thyroid is hypo-active. So I am having a thyroid scan tomorrow. Which means:

I am currently radioactive.

Ummm....yum?

One of the suggestions that my doctor gave me when we discovered I have osteoporosis is to eat sardines. Apparently, they are the single most calcium-laden food out there. So I decided last time that I was at the store that I would pick up a can. Now, when I was a little girl, my dad regularly snacked on sardines and saltines and I developed a bit of a taste for them. So, I figured, "Why not?"

Sadly, my house is currently saltine-free. Still, I opened the can and grabbed a fork. After I finished the first little fishy, I added some salt to the sardines and they weren't terrible. Still, I doubt they will be a regular solution to the calcium thing. Especially since I am completely positive I will be unable to get my husband to kiss me for several hours, if not days.

Possibly TMI, possibly not

So I had a colonoscopy. Part of the whole being 50 and stuff. I really didn't get too worked up over it, because Grant underwent it a few years ago and it seemed relatively painless. Just before the procedure began, my anesthesiologist commented that I seemed very relaxed. I told him that I was far more anxious the night before I had to start my 40 hour fast.(Okay,there were liquids and broth and jello allowed, but damn it all, I was hungry!) That, and the purgative I had to take and its resulting effects. But I fasted and purged with little incident, well, except for the expected incidents. It did result in a 5 pound weight loss over 2 days, but I would not recommend it as a weight loss plan.

I had a momentary twinge of panic when I realized that they were actually going to anesthetize me (I had expected Valium or something to relax me, but not actually go-to-sleep stuff). I have never had surgery of any kind, so the most I have ever had was a local. They stuck the IV in my arm and everything. But I drifted off with no incident and woke up just as they were finishing the procedure. Yes, just in time to see my colon displayed larger than life on the big screen tv in the procedure room. It was very pink. Minus one itty bitty polup.

And if that is too much information for you, I warned you.

Inside and out

It is amazing how much better I feel physically since going back on Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet. I know that this strict a diet is not good for more than the recommended two weeks, but I really notice when I cut out all those "extra" treats. It's not like I was eating really terrible stuff, but too much sugar and too many simple carbs really affect my well-being. Even one cookie can make me feel terrible. And I now realize that Grant and I were definitely drinking wine too often.

I have lost a couple of pounds, but I am less worried about that than how my body feels. And my body feels better. It is going to be a bit cranky with me for the next two days, though, because on Monday, I am undergoing a colonscopy. Yes, this is part of my doctor's checklist for those of us who have reached the advanced age of 50. You may have been healthy your whole life, but now we are going to go looking for trouble!

Okay, I am glad he found out I need some help on the osteoporosis end of things. And I certainly don't want to die of either breast or colon cancer. But I wish we didn't make this all linked to one single birthday. It makes it difficult to feel positive about my age.

Anyway, tomorrow morning I can have white toast with coffee for breakfast, then only clear liquids and non-red jello for the rest of the day. Monday morning I can have a glass of apple juice. Plus I get to take a laxative tomorrow night. Oh joy.

My body is going to be so clean and pure, it may start glowing.

Right.

The way to face a midlife crisis

...is probably not with all the bitching and moaning I have been doing,

My friend Carl, on the other hand, is tackling his mid-life crisis head on: by taking part in the AIDS/LifeCycle from San Francisco to Los Angeles. Carl has been one of my closest friends since way back in the late 70s. He has always been one of the lights of my life, someone I knew I could always depend on, someone who always makes me laugh, a port in any storm and the reason I am a published writer. But this is not about me, it's about him. If you are interested in donating to the San Francisco AIDS Foundation and giving the credit to a fabulous gay guy who doesn't look a speck older than 35, then go to Carl's site and donate.

And as an added bonus; if you make a donation, I will send you your choice of a Smelly Stuff Bath Salt or Candle. Just think: you can actually do good things and smell good things too!